Sometimes obsessed with quintessence thoughts i retract and find myself in unworthy situations as how to entangle the odd ties which give me so intense pleasure, so uncharismatic enthusiasm that i felt perturbed to come down from the dream.
yet with the hold of unforgiven dream i find reality on my door steps every now and then. Why it happens that i want myself to be secretive but still go on to show off. Why i can't hold my self sometimes when their is wrath and anger in me. Why i felt like to be admired when i haven't done anything to get it. Do every person feels like me?
Is their any sense of pride left in this world. Do people still stand up to their dream or they just broke down in the middle like thousands others do every day to the system which takes them no where. Which marrs their soul of guilt for rest of their life, of which they only hate them self and go on to retain it even knowing that it is taking them away from reality. Do these people understand that they are not here to secure themselves from those around them but to let them free, to go with their mind, to do the things that were meant to be done, to take pleasure from the things that have been done by themselves like they take pleasure from the first ray of sunlight on mountain top or by watching the river going with them while sitting in a railway carriage or by sensing the act of goodness done upon them. Why people fake reality? Why cant they remain what they are? Why the things so inflammatory are going on this world? Why thoughts in my mind are coming so vigorously and then leaving it without any notice? Sometimes i get 100 different ideas in two minutes and even on one i couldn't work, and mind you all of them are great. Is this an innate or had i hit by a slight touch of megrim.
Still i want people to love me but want them not to be with me. I pride doing things alone but don't want to show aristocracy. I want to be a visionary but don't want to be known like one. I want others to wreck me but still i want to hold on. I want to be a socialite but still want to be away from others. Am i starting to become a philosophical predicament or am i a spiritual sinner. Perhaps a schizophrenic in the making.
